Love Is Not Constantly Wondering If You Are Making the Biggest Mistake of Your Life. That’s a fact. And this is a fact: I enjoyed this book. It was a quick interesting read in the format of a “Choose Your Own Adventure” book, aptly labeled “not a choose your own adventure” (possibly so it does not get in any sort of copyright trouble?). While on the surface, this book presents as a starfaring adventure about a pilot fighting through a planet of ant-warriors, the narrative focuses solely on a multiyear romantic relationship the protagonist has with an alcoholic.
The premise and format were immediately intriguing to me. The format and juxtaposition between the actual narrative, the alien illustrations, and the bizarre sci-fi choices to make were my favorite elements of the book. To me, these simultaneously acted as a metaphor for what happened in the central relationship and as an escape from the reality of our main character. It also brought some levity to the darker moments of this story. However, I do wish the sci-fi narrative and the reality of the relationship started to invade each other sooner and more often, even if it was more subtle. Who knows, maybe if I return to this short read, I will pick up on some more of those details!
As for the central story, a toxic and tragic love story between the narrator and Anne, I found it engaging, heartbreaking, a little Tumblr-core, and (unfortunately for me) familiar (kill me). Despite the Anne’s substance abuse and promises, the narrator keeps giving her chances, further entrenching himself into her life. It asks difficult questions, like can I change this person? Will my support be enough? Can I love them enough for their bad habit to stop? The answer to those questions is usually “no.” Living with and loving somebody who abuses substances is a difficult trek, and there are no easy answers for how navigate it or when to give up, or if ever can give up. Relating to the title, it begins to ask what are love’s limits. There are ways to beat addiction, but the main character tragically thinks he can be the sole thing to save her. This is linked to the sci-fi story with choices like, will you fight the horrific ant monster from hell or will you give up your laser blaster and surrender? Again, interesting juxtaposition.
Anne is a little bit of a manic pixie dream girl, but that’s chill. This was written in 2011 and takes place in the early 2000s, the golden age of the archetype. The main character is kind of a gigantic nerd who makes Simpsons references at inopportune times. So, yeah, I related to this book. It was a fun but unsettling ride. It ends a bit abruptly in a sightly unsatisfying way, but that’s probably the point. This book was written anonymously, but I bet it was probably that one guy who cried during Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in theaters.